12 Days of Fullmetal Chaos
by The Rose Alchemist
Summary: What are two girls up to when visiting the cast of Fullmetal Alchemist during Christmas? A good time! Get ready to laugh your pants off while singing this version of 12 Days of Christmas.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We do not own the cast of Fullmetal Alchemist!

EGF: I'm gonna pull a KG. If I owned the show there would be more shots of –ED WITHOUT A SHIRT ON!

KG:) lol

**This is a KE production, rated PG for minimal language and suggestive violence.**

EGF: Ha! You thought I was going to say suggestive themes, but I said suggestive violence!

KG: Oh! She got you…yeah. We know we're retards.

* * *

Winry, Al and Ed are sitting by a fountain aimlessly. Two random girls walk up.

Matsu: Konnichiwa, who are you?

Tsuki: This isn't Chobits and you're not a persocom.

Matsu: But, I am a persocom!

Tsuki: Oh okay!

Al: Who are you?

Matsu and Tsuki: _(With big smiles on their faces) _WE'RE THE LLOYDS!

Tsuki: I'M LLOYD NUMBER ONE, TSUKI!

Matsu: AND I'M LLOYD NUMBER TWO, MATSU!

Matsu and Tsuki: IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU!

Winry, Al, and Ed: …

Ed: …Matsu?

Matsu: Hi Ed.

Winry: How do you know her?

Ed: She's my girlfriend. What are you doing here?

Tsuki: We're throwing a Christmas party, and you're invited!

Matsu: So, want to come?

Winry, Al, and Ed: Sure…

They all leave and arrive to where the party is going to be. They opened the doors and the three guests were surprised.

Ed: No way…

Roy: Well hello Fullmetal.

Ed: What's he doing here?

Tsuki: Now that everyone is here, let's start!

Everyone: Huh?

Matsu: _(Chanting a French spell to put on them)_

Everyone: Huh?

Tsuki: Nikki, hit it!

Nikki: _(Starts playing "The 12 Days of Christmas" on the piano)_

Everyone: On the first day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Winry: One full deluxe set with all the tools needed to build the perfect auto mail!

Matsu: Uh…Winry…

Winry: Yes?

Matsu: That doesn't fit with the song. You'll have to make it shorter.

Winry: Aww… a wrench to throw at Ed's head!

Ed: WHAT!

Everyone: On the second day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

All the girls: Awww….

Tsuki: Anyways…

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the third day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Ed: Hey, Roy's my boss.

Matsu: Uh…that's nice. Sing now.

Ed: Okay…3 pairs of elevator shoes! HEY!

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the fourth day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Fletcher: 4 brand new hats

Matsu: Aw, what a cutie.

Tsuki: I know.

Ed: 3 pairs of elevator shoes

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the fifth day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Izumi: FIIIIIVE KNOCKS AGAINST THE MORON'S HEEEEAAAD!

Everyone but Ed laughs

Ed: Who's the moron?

Everyone else: You.

Ed: DAMN IT!

Everyone: On the sixth day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Russell: 6 days posing as that Fullmetal idiot

Ed: WHAT THE HELL IS WITH EVERYONE PICKING ON ME! I HATE YOU ALL!

Matsu: Are you done now?

Ed: Some girlfriend.

Matsu: Some boyfriend.

Matsu and Ed: _(Glare at each other)_

Tsuki: Well okay! Let's get on with the song!

Izumi: FIIIIIVE KNOCKS AGAINST THE MORON'S HEEEEAAAD!

Ed: UUUUGH!

Fletcher: 4 brand new hats

Ed: 3 pairs of elevator shoes

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the seventh day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Armstrong: 7 family generations of service!

Matsu and Tsuki: Wow…

Russell: 6 days posing as that Fullmetal idiot

Izumi: FIIIIIVE KNOCKS AGAINST THE MORON'S HEEEEAAAD!

Fletcher: 4 brand new hats

Ed: 3 pairs of elevator shoes

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the eighth day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Kaine: 8 incredibly adorable puppies

Matsu: Tsuki, doesn't this seem a little redundant?

Tsuki: _(Laughs)_

Matsu: That's sexy…

Russell: Wow…

Armstrong: 7 family generations of service

Russell: 6 days posing as that Fullmetal idiot

Izumi: FIIIIIVE KNOCKS AGAINST THE MORON'S HEEEEAAAD!

Fletcher: 4 brand new hats

Ed: 3 pairs of elevator shoes

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the ninth day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Hughes: 9 pictures of my darling Elysia!

Everyone else: _(Sweat drop)_ …

Kaine: 8 incredibly adorable puppies

Armstrong: 7 family generations of service

Russell: 6 days posing as that Fullmetal idiot

Izumi: FIIIIIVE KNOCKS AGAINST THE MORON'S HEEEEAAAD!

Fletcher: 4 brand new hats

Ed: 3 pairs of elevator shoes

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the tenth day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Hawkeye: 10 really stupid pervs

Matsu: Heck yes…

Hughes: 9 pictures of my darling Elysia

Kaine: 8 incredibly adorable puppies

Armstrong: 7 family generations of service

Russell: 6 days posing as that Fullmetal idiot

Izumi: FIIIIIVE KNOCKS AGAINST THE MORON'S HEEEEAAAD!

Fletcher: 4 brand new hats

Ed: 3 pairs of elevator shoes

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the eleventh day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Havoc: 11 times I was turned down

Tsuki: By what?

Havoc: Girls…all in the same day…

Matsu: Poor Havoc. Maybe you should get a makeover, or stop trying so hard.

Tsuki: I vote for stop trying so hard!

Havoc: That doesn't help…

Hawkeye: _(Sigh)_ 10 really stupid pervs

Hughes: 9 pictures of my darling Elysia

Kaine: 8 incredibly adorable puppies

Armstrong: 7 family generations of service

Russell: 6 days posing as that Fullmetal idiot

Izumi: FIIIIIVE KNOCKS AGAINST THE MORON'S HEEEEAAAD!

Fletcher: 4 brand new hats

Ed: 3 pairs of elevator shoes

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Winry: And a wrench to throw at Ed's head

Everyone: On the twelfth day of Christmas my boss gave to me

Ed: Oh brother…

Al: Yes?

Ed: …Let me try this again. Oh man…It's Mustang's turn…

Matsu: This cannot be a good thing…

Roy: … _(Smiles mischievously)_ Roy: 12 DOZEN BABES IN **TINY MINI SKIRTS!**

Havoc: Colonel Mustang! You're the greatest! I'll forever follow you!

Everyone else: _(Sweat drop and sigh)_ …

Havoc: 11 times I was turned down

Hawkeye: 10 really stupid pervs

Hughes: 9 pictures of my darling Elysia

Kaine: 8 incredibly adorable puppies

Armstrong: 7 family generations of service

Russell: 6 days posing as that Fullmetal idiot

Izumi: FIIIIIVE KNOCKS AGAINST THE MORON'S HEEEEAAAD!

Fletcher: 4 brand new hats

Ed: 3 pairs of elevator shoes

Al: 2 incredibly adorable kitties

Tsuki, Matsu and Winry: AND A WRENCH TO THROW AT ED'S HEAD!

Ed: You…

Tsuki, Matsu and Winry: _(All smile)_

Ed: _(Sighs) _Let's just go home. Come on.

Matsu: Okay! I'll see you later! Come on Al!

Al: Bye!

Tsuki: I should be leaving to! After what Matsu did to him he doesn't like me hanging around her during Christmas. He'd freak if he knew I did this!

Everyone else: Bye!

Matsu, Tsuki, Al, and Nikki: Bye bye!

Matsu: But, don't worry. We'll be back!

Winry: Be back soon!

Tsuki: Okay!

Tsuki, Ed, Al, Matsu, and Nikki all leave the party, all waving except for Ed.

* * *

KG: If you thought that was funny stay tuned for when we have the evil people in this show! 

EGF: But, until then if you like Yu Yu Hakusho you can read my story "12 Days of Yu Yu" or our other fic "The Black Rose Petals", which we need to work on.

KG: Your penname is Chaotic Insomnia, right?

EGF: We should put ourselves on our favorite authors list.

KG: Yeah…well, later!

EGF: Bye!

Kurama: I'm starting to hate Christmas.

Ed: Same here…


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Full Metal Alchemist. And as you read in the earlier chapter, EGF would love to own it because…well, you know what I'm getting at. She likes Ed. End of story. Well, this story. Because the real story hasn't started yet. Aw, you know what I mean! Just read on!

Tsuki: The following is rated PG for random screams and threats, some language, and an explosion. Though I really doubt anyone under the age of seven or eight watches Full Metal Alchemist anyway.

**The Twelve Days of Full Metal Chaos 2**

_Brought to you by KE Productions_

Three homunculi, Lust, Envy, and Gluttony, read over the letter once more.

Lust: _(reads the note aloud once more)_ If you desire the final ingredient for the Philosopher's Stone, meet us at the big fountain in town at ten.

Envy: How do we know these people even have access to the final ingredient?

Gluttony: Can I eat it?

Lust: No.

Tsuki and Matsu: _(come in from nowhere)_ HELLO!

Lust and Envy: _(raise their eyebrows in a kind of "Huh" gesture)_

Envy: Who are you two? Did you send us this letter?

Tsuki and Matsu: YES!

Matsu: I AM CATHY # 1, MATSU!

Tsuki: AND I AM CATHY # 2, TSUKI!

Tsuki and Matsu: COME WITH US TO "THE RITUAL"!

Envy: "The Ritual", huh?

Gluttony: Lust, can I eat them?

Matsu: HECK NO!

Tsuki: At least, not if you want a Philosopher's Stone.

Lust: So, you really do have access?

Tsuki: Yeah, just follow us.

Matsu: BONZAI!

_MOMENTS LATER…_

Tsuki, Matsu, Lust, Envy, and Gluttony: _(walk into a house to see Greed, Wrath, Pride, Sloth, Kimley, Scar, Psiren, Barry the Chopper, and Tucker)_

Matsu: Okay, now that we have everyone all together, we need you to do something.

Greed: Do what?

Tsuki and Matsu: _(scream) _THE RITUAL!

Tsuki: _(hands out a slip of paper to each person)_

Scar: What are these?

Matsu: Those slips of paper are your lines. We are singing a song. When your turn comes, you'll sing that if you really want to get your hands on the Philosopher's Stone.

Tsuki: _(turns to Nikki)_ HIT IT NIKKI! …Again XD

Scar: On the first day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Psiren: On the second day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Barry: On the third day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me three–

Tsuki: HEY! BARRY! YOU'RE THE GUY WHO GAVE ME NIGHTMARES!

Barry: …What?

Tsuki: I went to bed right after I saw the episode when you were first introduced and then that night I had a nightmare you were chopping me up like steak!

Matsu: …Sexy.

Barry: Whatever. Anyway…three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Kimley: On the–

Matsu: I HATE YOU KIMLEY!

Tsuki: I HATE YOU, TOO!

Matsu: YOU BETRAYED GREED!

Tsuki: SO YOU SUCK!

Everyone else: …

Kimley: …On the fourth day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Tucker: On the fifth day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me fiiiiiiiive peeeeerfect chimeras…

Tsuki: You talk funny.

Tucker: Can't you see what's become of my body? Do you really expect me to talk normally? You're crazy.

Matsu: No, _you're_ crazy.

Kimley: Four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Tsuki: Wrath's next.

Matsu: HE'S SO CUTE!

Tsuki: I KNOW! AWWWWW!

Wrath: …On the sixth day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me six blows to the one I hate,

Tucker: Fiiiiiiive peeeeeerfect chimeras,

Kimley: Four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Greed: On the seventh day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me seven hoes all mine!

Tsuki: O.o Wow…I guess…your name speaks for itself.

Wrath: Six blows to the one I hate,

Tucker: Fiiiiiiive peeeeeerfect chimeras,

Kimley: Four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Lust: On the eighth day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me eight deadly kisses,

Greed: Seven hoes all mine,

Wrath: Six blows to the one I hate,

Tucker: Fiiiiiiive peeeeeerfect chimeras,

Kimley: Four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Sloth: On the ninth day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me nine fluffy pillows–

Matsu: I want nine fluffy pillows!

Tsuki: I do too! Woot for comfyness!

Lust: Eight deadly kisses,

Greed: Seven hoes all mine,

Wrath: Six blows to the one I hate,

Tucker: Fiiiiiiive peeeeeerfect chimeras,

Kimley: Four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Gluttony: On the tenth day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me ten sacrificial humans. (Gluttony: Can I eat them?) (Lust: Not right now, Gluttony.)

Sloth: Nine fluffy pillows,

Lust: Eight deadly kisses,

Greed: Seven hoes all mine,

Wrath: Six blows to the one I hate,

Tucker: Fiiiiiiive peeeeeerfect chimeras,

Kimley: Four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Matsu: Pride's turn.

Tsuki: YOU SUCK!

Matsu: YOU KILLED MARTA! YOU ARE UNFORGIVABLE!

Tsuki: MARTA WAS SO COOL!

Pride: Then why are you helping us if you hate us so much?

Tsuki: Oh, um, uh…

Matsu: Er…THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT! JUST SING YOUR LINE!

Pride: You're the ones who interrupted me.

Tsuki: SHUT UP! AND SING, DARN YOU, SING!

Pride: …_(rolls eyes)_ On the eleventh day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me eleven great armies because of moi.

Matsu: Someone's a bit conceited.

Gluttony: Ten sacrificial humans,

Sloth: Nine fluffy pillows,

Lust: Eight deadly kisses,

Greed: Seven hoes all mine,

Wrath: Six blows to the one I hate,

Tucker: Fiiiiiiive peeeeeerfect chimeras,

Kimley: Four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Tsuki: And lastly, now it's Envy.

Matsu: WE HATE YOU TOO!

Tsuki: YOU HAVE TO DIE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO HUGHES!

Matsu: HOW DARE YOU KILL HIM!

Envy: …Freakish little girls…

Tsuki and Matsu: WHAT'D YOU CALL US!

Envy: On the twelfth day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me—_(glances at paper) _There is no way I'm reading this.

Matsu: _(death glare)_ You'll read it if you want the final ingredient.

Envy: _(sighs)_ On the twelfth day of Christmas, my pawn gave to me twelve shots of me in drag.

Everyone else: _(starts cracking up)_

Matsu: That is so out of character XD

Tsuki: Who cares? XD We wrote them anyway!

Matsu: True.

Pride: Eleven great armies because of moi,

Gluttony: Ten sacrificial humans,

Sloth: Nine fluffy pillows,

Lust: Eight deadly kisses,

Greed: Seven hoes all mine,

Wrath: Six blows to the one I hate,

Tucker: Fiiiiiiive peeeeeerfect chimeras,

Kimley: Four things that go boom,

Barry: Three axes to chop with,

Psiren: Two banks of robbing,

Scar: And a completed Philosopher's Stone.

Tsuki: Yippee!

Matsu: That was fun.

Envy: Okay, fork over the final ingredient.

Tsuki: Okay.

Matsu: We just er…need four people to help us bring it in here. _(points at Greed, Wrath, Scar, and Psiren)_ You, you, you, and you. Come with us.

Matsu, Tsuki, Greed, Wrath, Scar, and Psiren: _(walk into another room)_

Psiren: What do you need us for?

Matsu: Just hang tight for a sec. _(walks around, looking for something)_

Wrath: What are you looking for?

Matsu: Here it is! _(takes out the thing for the TNT, with the box and the lever sticking out of it, and when you push down on it, the TNT explodes)_

Scar: What are you doing?

Tsuki: You heard us how we hate everyone else. They deserve to die.

Psiren: Well, what about us?

Tsuki: You, Greed, and Scar are really cool. And Wrath is just so cute. We just HAVE to spare you guys.

Matsu: BONZAI! _(pushes the lever)_

_**BOOOOOOOM!**_

Tsuki, Matsu, Wrath, Greed, Psiren, and Greed: _(walk out into the room that exploded to see remains of everyone else)_

Matsu: HA HA! YOU JUST SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED!

* * *

_Fin._

We, KG and EGF hope everyone has a great time over the holidays! Thank you for reading the Twelve Days of Full Metal Chaos 1 and 2. We hope you enjoyed it and please review!


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